This time of year is a busy time for graduations, weddings, etc. The past two weekends I attended an anniversary celebration and my parents hosted a family barbeque, except this time I spent some time observing and listening. When I recall other family gatherings I've attended, I realized that what I observed and heard at these two affairs was something that has always existed, but I was never so aware of it.
As the guests arrived, it was interesting to see how they took their places. The women congregated on one side and the men on the other. I did notice, though, that the separation was more apparent of the older generation than the younger. However, the younger crowd did separate when the boys began to toss a football and the girls retrieved to conversation. "Women tend to see closeness as sharing themselves and their lives through personal communication and men more typically create closeness by sharing particular activities and interests" (Wood, p. 217).
Most of the conversation among the crowd was the typical male/female conversations although my mother got into quite a discussion about male/female equality brought on by the fact that my father is a chef and does most of the cooking at home as well. The gentlemen she was talking to was very adamant about his wife doing all the cooking and housework. He insists that she (who also has a full-time job) have a complete meal on the table when he arrives home from work. My mother argued the point that if it was necessary for her to work there was nothing wrong with him sharing other responsibilities with his wife. He, however, did not see her point and insisted that it was a woman's job to take care of her husband the the house.
I thought this was an excellent example of gender roles and how gender is learned. "From infancy on, we are encouraged to learn how to embody the gender that society prescribes for us" (Wood, p. 24). My parents have known this couple for a long time and told me that this gentlemen was raised in this manner. His father was the same way. "By observing parents, children of heterosexuals often learn the roles socially prescribed for women and men" (Wood, p. 171). If this is how a person was raised, it is sometimes very difficult to change. What surprised me was that this gentlemen is not from a generation that upholds strict male/female roles. But, it all goes back to the fact that gender is learned.
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3 comments:
John,
I agree and it is well documents as we know by now, that gender is learned. My father and my uncles were like the gentleman you described. I have many friends that feel that it is a womens place to clean, cook and do most of the work involving the children. I was somewhat like that when I was younger, because thats how I was raised and thats what I saw. I figured that was just the was it is. But it is not that way. Or should I say it does not have to be that way. As I grew older I made up my mind that I would not live like that and I would not treat my wife like that. I learned that a relationship has two sides and both need to contribute in order for the relationship to be harmonious, mutually and respected. Some couples act like everything's alright with them in public and when they are alone. The truth is something was lost along the way and they hang on to the idea of what a marriage should be. Its only a real partnership when both contribute and give to one another and care for one another's wellfare that says this is a successful relationship. Too many men take women for granted and live to regret it. One day they turn around and she's gone. Then all of a sudden they decide its time to change but its too late. How some men could carelessly make a lovely women unhappy is beyond me. Love, giving and understanding is where its at. It works for me.
John,
I agree that a lot of what we expect goes back to what we learned, but there is also an element of personal preference due to the media-centric nature of our society.
Before television and internet, most peoples values were probably very similar to those of their parents. There were always those few who got away, but parental influences were much stronger than the are today.
Nowadays, while your family environment does affect many of the opinions you form, I don't think that it necessarily dictates them as closely as it once did.
I think that there are plenty of people who are raised one way, but live completely differently once they are on there own. This is due to the amount of external influences we are now subject to, which was simply not an issue 100 years ago. I think that there are certain personality types that are more willing than others to deviate from their personal upbringing, while others tend to stay close to home.
Communication patterns are more likely to be reinforced that change. Change is very difficult. Hopefully, we will soon have a new generation of married couples that bringing home the bacon and cleaning it up at home. And, honestly, it is bit selfish on his part to thing that she should do both full time..c'mon. Cheers to your mom!!
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